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Thirty, Flirty, and Dying: Why I Will Never Do Whole 30 Again

February 15, 2019

 

Nothing like a good New Year’s resolution, especially after the whole “eat, drink, and be merry” season. I knew I wanted to lose weight… partly to be healthier, partly to be skinny for a wedding I am a bridesmaid for in June. But regardless, that was my top resolution. But I wasn’t quite sure how I wanted to accomplish that.

 

Cue my sisters coming back from a little vacation they took… and all they could talk about was Whole 30 and not their vacation. They are crazy. Well after a little persuading, they got me on board.

 

No Dairy, No Gluten, No Grains, No Sugar, No Preservatives, No Alcohol, No Fun…

(I don’t drink so that made one of these restrictions easy.)

 

So ya, Whole 30 and all it’s restrictions is supposed to basically transform your life and your relationship with food. You know, reset your gut (the big buzz word lately), fix hormonal imbalances, clear up any skin issues, make you feel like a million bucks, etc. And then after 30 days of this, you are supposed to slowly start adding back in the restrictions one at a time to find out how your body reacts to it.

 

But I just did it to kickstart my weight loss… everything else was A-Okay.

 

Anyways, to start this diet I actually needed to go to the store before it was official. I planned on basically making Whole 30 meals for dinner for everyone so that wouldn’t be too bad… or so I thought.

 

 

 

1. Coffee, my favorite part of everyday, was ruined for me.

 

You’re right, it’s not on the banned list (surprisingly), but have you ever had coffee with almond milk? It’s basically the worst thing in the world. After a week, I was completely off of coffee. Me, a 2-cup-a-day-er, was completely weaned off of caffeine. That totally was not one of my New Year’s resolutions. And not only do I just enjoy coffee, it is a little ritual I have with my husband. We drink it slowly on Saturday mornings. We have it sometimes when the kids go to bed. It’s like our love language. Our own little date night. So thanks, Whole 30, for taking the love out of my marriage.

 

2. GI upset

 

I’m gonna leave this to your imagination, but I was perfectly fine beforehand. And once I started, my body couldn’t handle the crazy change of diet. It was horrible.

 

 

3. The Joy of Cooking became the Chore of Cooking

 

Now I am one of those weird people who actually enjoys cooking. Not all the time, of course, but when I do actually cook, I put a lot of love and thought into it. I love cooking and tweeking recipes to make them super yummy, especially for my family. Nothing like a good healthy spaghetti squash that my kids will actually eat. My husband even told me once that “you make bad food taste good.” Thanks, hubby. But those days were long gone once I started Whole 30. No one wanted to eat my food, especially every night. And our weekly pizza night was enjoyed without me… I was probably eating lettuce, contemplating what my life had turned in to.

 

4. Busy Days, Starving Days

 

Most Saturdays we run all day long,going to kids’ games, then shopping, a quick stop at a drive thru, and more engagements. You know what I ate those days? The lining of my stomach. Yup, Sonic doesn’t have anything Whole 30 compliant. So it would be late afternoon before I even ate anything. That can be pretty miserable… “Sure, you guys order. I’ll just sit here watching you.”

 

5. The Exile of Social Events

 

“It’s not a party unless you go home full” used to be my motto, but on Whole 30 it warped into, “It’s not a party unless you eat nothing but water and explain your absurd diet plan to everyone after you have turned down everything.” I understand that you shouldn’t eat to feel good, but eating is one of the few joys in life…

 

 

 

6. Baby Food

 

I got sick of eggs all the time… so I decided to try smoothies. Basically you stick fruit and almond milk in the blender and enjoy. My favorite way to do this was bananas, almond milk, and almond butter blended then frozen, then blended again to make it more like an ice cream texture. But regardless of the many great ideas, it reminded me of those days a few years ago when I made the kids’ homemade baby food. Literally the same thing. Think about that next time you have a smoothie.

 

7. My kids were not a fan.

 

I am a huge proponent of not talking about weight or dieting in front of my kids, especially my daughter, but you cannot hide Whole 30 from them. “Mommy, why can’t you eat corn? Isn’t that healthy for you?” “Do you want my last bite of ice cream?” “I wanted to surprise you with this candy.” Ya, it wasn’t fun. My oldest son was constantly telling me to quit this diet because it wasn’t healthy for me not to eat. Oh trust me, buddy, I know.

 

 

8. Ketosis

 

Oh this was the true kicker. After a week in, my husband started commenting on my breath. I couldn’t figure out the issue. Maybe too much garlic or onions? But I really didn’t think I had that much. So I would go brush my teeth (and I have a pretty good toothpaste), and he would still say it didn’t help. And I could taste it, like this dry, metallic taste in my mouth all the time, even though I drank a ton (another one of my New Year’s resolutions). Finally I googled it, and came across ketosis. In layman’s terms, your body needs carbs to burn, but since you are starving/ not eating carbs, your body starts burning fat with an emission of ketones that build up in your body. In extreme cases, it can lead to coma and death. Oh cool… And not only did it cause my bad breath, it caused my “depressed” mood. Man, I thought I was just bleh because I couldn’t eat… So more potatoes and bananas were added to the menu (even though I had been eating at least 1-2 servings a day of these).

 

 

9. Weight Loss

 

This diet wasn’t all bad. It definitely helped me lose weight. So that was a plus.

 

10. Willpower

 

I never realized how much willpower I was capable of, until I did Whole 30. It was like my superpower. I could literally turn down everything. I can see how that can become addicting to some people. But it also really helped me notice when I emotionally eat, which was a blessing in disguise.

 

So there you have it, some thoughts on my Whole 30 experience. Anyone else ever try Whole 30? Love it or hate it?

 

Until next time,

Sister #1

 

 

 

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